by Matt | Oct 22, 2003 | Personal
Well, its crunch time around here and my stress level is somewhere around “stratospheric”. Paul and Carrie have left for the day so I’m stuck here until I get fed up and leave, with will probably be around 4:30. I’ve got so much going on here, so much stuff to worry about, so much wedding stress, so little money, I’m going slowly but surely nuts. I’ve got a car insurance bill that isn’t correct for the second time in two months, I’ve got $8 to my name, nothing for lunch and I need both gas and a haircut before my next pay check. Fun fun! At least I have my friends and family to help and comfort. Speaking of which, I think I have nearly everyone’s flight info. Chris is coming in on Tuesday to hang out for a few days, My folks are coming in Thursday afternoon, Nagle is coming in Thursday morning, Jason is coming in Friday morning, the Canadians are coming Thursday night and everyone else I’ve completely forgotten because I’m operating on only a few hours sleep and very little cognitive reasoning. Actually, if I was able to put together the phrase “cognitive reasoning” I’m probably not doing that bad. I dunno, it’s just one of “those days” and I’m not feeling real happy or excited or positive about much of anything, with the exception of the actual wedding event itself which, to be quite honest, I’ve been ready for for nearly 3 years. I’m trying to make everyone happy and keep everything from falling apart and take care of all these little last minute things and I just haven’t had time to actually sit back and enjoy any of this. I suppose that’s what the honeymoon is for right? Recovering from the months of planning for the wedding? Have I mentioned I’m tired?
I’m also complaining a lot today, which is something I’m fairly good at, but no one should really have to listen to me bitch about my sad little life. Hey… there’s a hockey game on Friday. That’ll be pretty cool. And Chris will be here on Tuesday, that’s also cool. And my brother found a copy of Max Payne 2 which he’s bringing me, also cool. See, there are positive sides. I also realize that I’m completely talking to myself at this point.
Let’s see, conversation for others… oh yeah, Kill Bill sucks. A lot. If you liked it, please, tell me why and support it with semi-logical resoning, otherwise I will have to punch you and call you a Tarantino fan boy. I left, I actually got up and left the theater because I was so disappointed in the movie. I actually wrote a huge giant review of it on my home computer. The computer that of course has no internet access. Whether you’ll actually get to read that review is secondary to the fact that you shouldn’t see that movie. Ever. Well, unless of course you would like to see crap on screen, then by all means waste your money. I actually wrote a fairly lengthy review and explained why I left the theater and why I thought the movie was absolutely moronic and pointless, but we’ll have to save it for another time. Sorry. You would have liked the review though. I called Tarantino an ass-hat, probably more than once. Actually, the only review on IMDB sums it up pretty well:
” “Kill Bill” is an arty revenge flick. Style over substance is putting it mildly. “Kill Bill” is no substance and all style. … This movie was written and directed by Quentin Tarantino. This movie was made for an audience of one: Quentin Tarantino. He is the absolute master in constantly reminding the audience that they are watching a movie. A Tarantino movie. ”
Yeah. It blew.
Anyway, at the moment I’m sitting at work watching the landscaping crew dig up the back yard for our newest project which I’m now calling “the grotto”. Basically we’re redoing the entire backyard of the studio to make it into an outdoor portrait area. It’ll be pretty cool when it’s done.
That’s about everything I can think of. I’m going to try and do work now, then I’ll probably go home and try to take a nap.
Matt out.
by Matt | Sep 2, 2003 | Personal
I truly believe that there are certain foods that, when eaten, make me feel really happy. I call them “perfect foods” due to their, well, perfect nature. A Mission Burrito falls into that category. A category I might add that has only a few select things in it. This tasty mexican meal joins the ranks of a Mike’s Pastry Cannoli, a Joe Teccie’s Chicken Marsala and a Papa Gino’s BBQ Chicken pizza. Yeah, a Mission Burrito is that good. I should point out that “Mission Burrito” is also the name of the restaurant that serves these burritos. So, technically, it’s a Mission Burritos burrito. It’s honestly, and I’m not exaggerating, 7+ inches thick in diameter. It’s the size of a very large sub sandwich. It is also damn tasty. You can get it with whatever you want in it, Subway style, where you order the ingredients as they make it for you. It’s also pretty inexpensive. $5 will get you a burrito the size of you’re head. I can’t speak for everyone but I know Chip enjoys a good burrito. We’re defiantly getting one of these for lunch while everyone is here.
Ok, back to work for me. We have a portrait today and that it. Tomorrow is the day from hell and we have 3 location shoots for 3+ hours each, which means I’m working from very early morning till very late at night. It will suck… but hey, that’s what over-time is for. Hope everyone had a good weekend. I know I did. I’ll catch up with everyone a little later. Back to work.
Matt out.
by Matt | Jun 9, 2003 | Personal
I need to be honest for a few minutes. I’m horrifically worried about not finding a job. The fear has been growing for the past month or so and is steadily getting worse. I’m hardly sleeping any more. I’m not really worried about not finding “something” but I’m constantly worried about not being able to support myself and Lauren. I feel like I’m more or less worthless, not having a job already. I also feel like the photography market was the wrong thing to get into. Don’t get me wrong, it was important for me to chance my dream of being a professional photographer, but I don’t know the first thing about being able to make money at it. I need a job with a steady, dependable income if I’m to support us and I’m really afraid I’m not going to find that. So what if I’m some photographers assistant, the money is probably crap. So what if I’m working at a newspaper, that money is probably crap too. I didn’t get a degree in anything computer related so it isn’t going to be easy to convince a company to hire me for my computer related skills. I have a fine arts degree. I’m a fucking photographer. I’m in debt. I don’t have the money to jump into a photo business with both feet, so I can’t make money on my own. I’m useless. I have no redeeming workplace value other than my ability to click a shutter or a mouse button. Who the hell wants that?
I’m over reacting a bit. I broke down a little while ago when I was on the phone with Lauren. I have faith that I’m going to find something, but I want to be good to Lauren and I want to be able to provide. I know it sounds sexist, but I want to wear the pants and bring home the bacon damnit.
I’m also scared. I’m a little fucking girl. I’ve always had talents, I’ve just never been able to convince myself that they’re of any use. I’m scared I’m not going to be good enough. I’m scared I’m going to end up penny-less and in a box somewhere. I followed my dreams and all they got me was debt. Some dream.
I’m scared.
There’s nothing I can do about it. All I can do is try. I can try, hope for the best and hope everything works out ok in the end. But what if it doesn’t? What if I not only mess up my life, but the lives of everyone around me.
Everyone should stay away from me. I only bring people down. I’m the fucking Titanic and I just hit my iceberg. There aren’t enough lifeboats so you’d better get out now.
I’m scared.
I’m not usually scared. Usually I’m the strong one. Usually I give the advice. Usually I can see the bright side of life. It must be raining ’cause I don’t see jack-shit.
I’m going to bed.
Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow will bring hope. Or failure. But at least it’ll come. That’s always something to be thankful for.
by Matt | Jun 4, 2003 | Personal
Well, I’m back. We drove all night and we pulled into the drive-way at about 8am. I just woke up from a very well deserved nap. I already unpacked the car but was told not to bother putting stuff in my room since the house is on the market and is “being looked at” and everything needs to be clean and perfect. I remember when Chris was going through this… I’m not going to be a happy camper, I can tell already. Also, I can’t set up my computer. I’m using my parents shitty 333mhz with Verizon DSL. I can’t check my mail, I can’t play games and most importantly I can’t get my list of potential employers and their contact info. I’ll see if I can convince them to let me set it up. I also need to call Chip and see if I (and my PC) can crash at his house every once and a while so I can actually use the internet without a giant hassle.
Also, about the internet. They have Verizon DSL right… is it odd that they have to “sign on” like a dial up, user name and password and everything? I thought DSL worked just like cable and it was simple “on” 24/7. I guess I was wrong. So… since I obviously don’t have their user name and password, I can’t jack in on my side. Even if I split it with the router, how would I connect? Arg. So, no internet for Matt. This makes him very very angry.
So, in case I don’t post ALL FUCKING SUMMER… now you know why. Please, anyone who reads this, call me instead of email. I can’t get it until I figure out what to do about this.
The drive itself was ok. I was raining from D.C. to New York so that was a bit unpleasent. That’s about it. I’m going to go start the 30 loads of laundry I need to do. Remember… call, NOT email.
Later (hopefully).
by Matt | Jun 2, 2003 | Personal
Goodbye Savannah.
After four years of art school, I say goodbye to the people and places that made my college life the wonderful journey it was. This is where I met my wife-to-be and made friends that will last a life time. Freshmen and Sophomore years were a complete blur in the dorms. The pace was so fast it’s almost as if they never happened. Oglethorpe House will always be the place in my mind where we all had the most fun… and the most drama. The Sensitive 8, as we called ourselves, will always be a part of my college memories. Then it was out of the dorms for two years closer to freedom. Now I’m free and I feel like I’ll miss all this more than I should. I feel like I’m leaving a big piece of my life behind and that I won’t get a big enough piece to fill it until November when my life becomes truly complete. So, what is my life until the wedding? Am I in some weird holding pattern, circling above, waiting for the conditions to be right? I suppose so. I don’t know. I have such mixed emotions about this whole thing. On one hand, I’m relieved to be done. On the other, I leave behind great friends, great teachers, a wonderful photo department and lots of memories.
There are so many reasons why these past four years were fun. There are so many people to thank for my emotional, social and artistic education.
(more…)
by Matt | May 22, 2003 | Personal
Yup, the RedSox just crushed the Yanks 12-5. Jason Varitek and Manny Ramirez each representing with multi-run homers. Of course… since this is High Heat Baseball 2004, it’s obvious that the Sox were going to win… since I was the one doing the batting. Now, real life… that’s another story. The Sox got taken 4-2 yesterday. Hey, at least they won here in my bedroom right?
By the way, High Heat is fun. Much more so than MVP, in my opinion. MVP Baseball is a tad more “realistic” but I don’t really need a “sports simulation”. I just want to bitch smack the Yanks a little.
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