I’ve started this post to try and explain why I got Baptised on Sunday about a million times. It’s hard to quantify one’s feelings on the all mighty without sounding cheesy OR preachy. The point is that this past Sunday, I was baptised.
It’s not something I take lightly, it was a serious decision on my part, and my purpose was to illustrate that I’m trying to be a better person. Not that I’ve been a “bad” person, but there’s a certain aspect of selflessness that goes into a conviction like this that I hadn’t previously possessed.
My reasons for it are vast and, especially for me, hard to understand. I’ve typed this “explanation” paragraph about a dozen times and each time it’s failed to live up to what I feel and what I’m trying to say. The short version is that I was Agnostic for quite a long time, meaning, I believed in God, but I didn’t really understand why or the specifics behind it. Now, after reading, listening, talking with people I consider friends, it “makes more sense.” I know that’s horribly vague. It’s just that the basic principals I learned as a child in Sunday school make more sense now than they did back then. Also, the concept of Grace, I believe, has played a large part in my life.
I believe, honestly, that I wouldn’t be here at this moment if it weren’t for God’s grace at a few key points in my life. If you were present at the events, you might say that it was merely luck. Maybe luck and grace are similar. I don’t know. All I know is that in retrospect, there’s no way it was “blind luck”.
As an example, do any of you remember when I was in a bad crash in my Mazda? I was hit, head on, at 60mph, by a giant SUV. There was literally nothing left of my car. Axles snapped, the windshield shattered all over me, the cabin was crushed, the gas tank was punctured and fuel was spilling out all over the place. It was a mess.
I walked away from that crash without so much as a bruise. Now, that was a 1982 Mazda, it didn’t have airbags. It didn’t have a reinforced frame. It didn’t have half the things that are now mandatory in most cars. The only thing that wasn’t destroyed in that car, was me. That, I consider to be an official miracle.
That’s just one example. There are others.
Now, I don’t want you to think that it’s solely because of near death experiences that I’ve been going to church, it’s not.
It’s really a combination of a whole lot of things that I won’t get into, and not even a fraction of them are “bad”. That’s what a lot of people think, is that people turn to God when times are tough. And, while they should, that’s not my motivation. Times are not tough, times are good. Actually I couldn’t be happier.
There’s also something to be said for the environment. The church we attend is filled with friends. It’s a really good place to be. It’s informal, it’s relaxed, and it’s the most positive church experience I’ve ever had. My outlook has changed from “Oh man, it’s Sunday, can’t we just sleep in?” to actually wanted to go and to see our friends.
So, it’s a combination of all these things that led me to my baptism this weekend. I hope you guys can see where I’m coming from and support me in my decision.
I also want to say that it’s not like I’m going to change my personality or stop being the person who I am. I’m still the same person who gets angry in traffic, passionate about video games, who likes to complain about things on his internet journal. I’m not going to get preachy and start throwing God in anyone’s face. I’m not going to go on any mission trips to Uganda, I’m not going to become a holier-than-though kinda guy. I’m the same person. I’m just going to try and not be such a selfish douche all the time.
This will be the first and last time I mention it, but I just felt like I should share this with you guys. You’re my family too, and this is a big step for me.