Saying Doom the movie was “good” somehow seems like dirty pool, especially after I lambasted The History of Violence for having too little background story. I’ll just suggest you leave your disbelief at the door for this one. It wasn’t bad, it just requires a certain appreciation for the genre… or blood, whichever comes first.

Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the character “Sarge” the hero of the Doom series (I’m thinking Doom3 was the only one that mentions him by name). Or am I thinking of the Quake series. I know one of them was simply a Marine and the other some sort of officer. My memory is fuzzy on which one was which. You can tell I was really into the “story” of the games can’t you?

At any rate, its sort of a shame they didn’t go with the whole “hell demon” angle. Then again, blunt references to demons, hell, and the evil escaping from it probably wouldn’t have made it past American censors. So, when you can’t make monsters the old fashion way, what do you do? Genetically engineer them of course! Oh well. At least the movie got made.

I was actually pleasently surprised with the first-person bit. Interestingly done I thought. Not quite as cheesy as I figured it would be. Then again, I was giving this movie a lot of slack.

Ok, so it wasn’t good. I tried really really hard, but its still represents the typical movie Hollywood makes from video games. They need to let some gamers tackle the next few. I have high expectations for Halo, especially with the guy from 28 days later involved.

So… Mexicans. I know you were wondering when I’d get to that. It seems that our hispanic friends have even less ability to watch a movie than most annoying movie goers. Yes I’m talking about you gangsta rappers and pain-in-the ass white teenage girls. Wouldn’t want to leave any groups out now would I? All of these groups have one thing in common, their inability to pay attention for more than 30 seconds at a time. Couple that with cell phones, boyfriends/girlfriends and not shutting the hell up and you’ve got a portion of the population that I wouldn’t mind detaining on a small far away island. The hispanic people bring a whole other variable to the equation however: small children.

Don’t even get me started on the fact that small children should NOT, under any circumstances, be allowed to see a movie like Doom. No, these wonderful folks bring multiple, sometimes DOZENS of 4-9 year olds into movies like this. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, they completely forget to parent them while they’re there. The kids run up and down the stairs and isles, throw popcorn at each other, STAND up in their seats, all sorts of shit. So, while a whole brood of birth control mistakes runs rampent, Dad sits there, on his cell, watching the movie.

Everyone needs to be extremely thankful that people like me are patient. I’m constantly “this” close to slapping the shit out of people.

I digress, just, for me, at least try to be a parent. Don’t be stupid. And hang up your fucking cell phones.