Well, tomorrow at the ass crack of dawn I leave for Lubbock TX. It’s an 8 hour friggin drive to the middle of fucking no where TX to spend a whole week with the most insipid, air-headed morons on the planet: beauty pageant contestants. If it sounds like I’m a little hostile this evening it’s because I am. But not for the reasons you might think. I don’t want to bore you with details but my good for nearly nothing parents have decided it would be “easier” if I financed my own car and that the Matrix stays in NH. I just about threw a shit-fit. I have to say, and most of you will agree, that when I get pissed I REALLY get pissed. There’s no middle ground with “angry Matt” and holy shit is he pissed. I don’t have the vocabulary to properly describe to you just how angry I am at the moment. I’ve been here two weeks and in that time I’ve gone over more details in my life than I care to think about. I’ve made wedding plans, I’ve looked at apartments, I’ve figured out my personal finances, I’ve done fucking everything. And this, this pile of “fuck you” thrown right in my face isn’t fucking helping. I apologize for the excessive profanity but it’s the only thing that begins to approach my level of aggravation. After an extremely stressful week and a really stressful day of apartment hunting, and forgetting my credit card some place, and being hotter than the fucking sun, I come home and call my folks and this is the shit I get. They can’t make up their fucking minds about where they want to live but they can go ahead and decide to screw me out of a car. The reason they shoveled? Something along the lines of “it would be easier to register and get inspected if it stayed here in New Hampshire, we really think it might be easier for YOU if you looked into getting a new car”. For me?!?! Easier for fucking me! Are they insane?!?! They’re fucked in the head if they think that adding $20,000 worth of debt to my credit report and shopping for a new car will magically make my life easier. Sure, what the hell, more debt, why the fuck not. I’ll just go buy a house and a boat and two more cars and declare bankruptcy while I’m at it, then when I shoot myself in the face, no one will fucking wonder why. Easier…. go fuck yourself. You know what’s sick, what really makes my stomach turn, is the fact that I KNOW that my brother will get the car. He will. And he’s a fucking asshole for taking it. Fuck him. They never helped me get a car, they got themselves a car and just let me use it for a year while I was in Savannah. That’s what they did. I was fucking diluted enough to believe them. So now what the fuck am I going to do? I’ve been borrowing a car from Lauren’s folks for two weeks now, I can’t do that indefinitely. I NEEDED that car. It’s not like I just liked driving it and it made my life more pleasent… it was a necessity. I was looking forward to driving that car. It was my one single joy in life except for Lauren. The car and my girl…. that’s all I fucking had and they took it away. Why? Because it’s “easier” for them. I know I shouldn’t be complaining. Chris said it last week. That my life was going great and that I didn’t have much to complain about… guess what…. this is the kind of shit that happens to me… repeatedly.
Oh yeah, and I leave for the middle of fucking nowhere tomorrow. And I’m in a great fucking mood. The job is going well. Thanks for asking.
I won’t be updating until probably next Tuesday so I won’t get to see you loving and supportive comments until then. Wish me luck… and I’ll try to get my blood pressure down.
And one for the road… FUCK. And I’m not spell checking this, so don’t bother pointing out mistakes… I’m not in the mood.