I have huge problems with the electoral process in this country. Actually, I have more of a problem with the electoral coverage by the media, but that’s another rant for another time. This will be my one and only statement from now until long after the primaries. I hate politics, politicians anything political and most of all partisan. The entire process is flawed and anyone that’s taken 10th grade social studies can back me up on this.

First and foremost, all I heard yesterday is that Huckabee and Obama “won” the Iowa caucus for their respective parties. Every news caster, political pundit radio host and jackball on the air said that the voters decided and this was who “won”. HORSE SHIT. Nobody WON anything. It was a fucking caucus. There’s no voting involved. All a caucus involves is the members of a party (ie: the “leaders” of the party) sitting around in a room and TALKING about who they MIGHT vote for when they actually get to vote. They cast non-binding “straw-polls” that make about as much sense string cheese. Nobody wins anything. Not a damn thing. People who support candidate A are more than able to cast their vote for candidate Z once the time comes. YOU’RE NOT VOTING! If you’re not voting, why do I even give a shit? Yet, for some reason, it’s 99% of the nightly news. Guess what, 1 person who “won” Iowa in the last 60 years (!) has actually been elected president. Bush, in 2000. Way to go Iowa, way to pick’em! That says to me that A) you people in Iowa have no fucking clue how to pick a good candidate and B) you certainly don’t speak for the rest of us.

That brings me to my second complaint. The primaries. What people will tell you is that the primaries are the way in which the “people” choose who they want to run for president. Again, this is horse shit. Because of our electoral college system, all you’re doing is giving the heads of the political parties in their particular states a reason to take someone else off the ballot. You see, the heads of the DNC and RNC in their respective states have comities to decide who is ALLOWED to represent their party in the elections. It’s these people who choose who you get to vote for. They pick A & B. It’s very very rare to ever a 3rd choice on a ballot. This is on purpose. Months and months ago these comities decided who was going to be running for president, at least in their state. You and I, we don’t really get a choice. If I vote for a candidate in the primaries, and that candidate receives 49% of the vote, but someone else gets 51%, my candidate isn’t even a choice come actual election time. Even though half of my state wanted them to be, they’re not on the ballot. Sure, I can still vote for them, but that would require writing their name in, which is apparently too hard for most voters. Added to that is the fact that some people blindly vote “whole ticket” for one side or the other. People don’t care who the candidate is as long as they align themselves with their party. That’s quite possibly the most reckless thing you can do.

Third and lastly, I don’t know about you guys, but all of these candidates suck. I was leaning towards voting democrat this year but hell if I’m voting for Obama or Clinton, who are obviously the only two with a shot. On the other side you have Huckabee, Giuliani and Romney, all of whom are complete dirt bags. Let me brake it down for you:

Obama is an oreo. That might sound racist and I’m sorry, but I call’em as I see’em. He’s a white guy with a dark tan. He refuses to salute the flag, read the pledge of allegiance or get sworn into office on a Bible. He may as well say his a communist and get it over with.

Hilary, well, she’s just the fucking devil. She’s got horns hiding in that rats nest she calls a hairdo. She a liberal woman with big buisness ties and I don’t trust her as far as I could throw her. She seems completely insincere, sleazy and frankly disinterested in this whole process at this point.

Giuliani is a maniac. An actual literal maniac. He loves war, wants to bomb some more shit and said, in public, that he wants someone just like Dick Chaney to be his VP. *buzzer sound*. Rack’em.

Romney is a Mormon from Massachusetts. I didn’t know there were Mormon’s in Mass. Surprise. Anyway, he says his religion won’t be a problem when he’s president but it’s often religion that shapes your moral compass. I don’t know if I want a presidents moral compass pointing towards “special” underware and a bunch of whacy golden tablets found in upstate New York. Plus, his sleaze factor is right at or above a John Kerry level, who was a douchenozzle.

Huckabee, well, I don’t know shit about Huckabee and I doubt it’ll matter. The media has already decided that this year it’ll be the quasi-black guy and the lesbian running for the Democratic nod. Mike is screwed, simply for his lack of media coverage. I’m surprised he did well in Iowa, but he’ll never survive NH or Super Tuesday. Plus he supports everything that sucks right now. Supports the war, supports prison camps, doesn’t mind if illegal immigrants are here, all that. The more I look at him, the less he seems vote worthy as well.

I don’t really know who I’m voting for, but I can tell you this, by the time it’s down to 1 candidate per side, I won’t vote for either of them. The media and the electoral college system will take out any creative, special or unique candidate in favor of those with “mass appeal” and no personalities. It’s months away but I’m going to call it right now. The next president will be a boring, dried up douchebag with no personality and no leadership skills whatsoever.

Way to go America! Your vote counts! As long as its in line with the rest of the sheep.

Perry for President in 2020!