I have two new forms of entertainment. Well, technically one since they both interact with each other. Let me explain. Craig’s List, in my opinion, is the most sad and pathetic website I’ve ever seen. But, it does have it’s place. The list is basically a giant help-wanted/for-sale/personals section that covers tons of cities. It’s interface is, well, non-existant, and it’s ads are rather silly. It’s a poor mans Monster.com. Now, here’s where the entertainment comes in. Fuckthatjob.com is a web site devoted to picking the lamest ads out there and making fun of them. Combine the two and genius is created. It’s like a Fark.com only for want-ads instead of web links.
The idea being that when you see an ad for a “web designer needed” and the pay that is offered is $6/hour and you just start laughing, there’s probably other people laughing too. I’ll show you an example to further illustrate the premise:
The topic of this one is a “Copyrighter needed for website content”. The requirements are that they “are looking for someone who versed in both technical, financial and creative writing.” And they’re offering a staggering $6 per page. I’ll let you read the comments for yourself.
Now, since it’s nearly 12 and I am sleepy, I will share with you one of my favorites before I go to sleep…
This was posted, in a job section mind you, as a warning to all those who are looking for a web designer but don’t really know what on earth a web designer does. Let it serve as a message from all web designers around the globe. May none of us ever work for a pointed haired boss ever again.
“wanted: web designer (why this phrase may get your ass beat)
Reply to: *email@example.com
Date: 2004-02-17, 5:38PM EST
okay kids, this is a checklist. before advertising for a web designer, make sure you read and understand each of the following:
1.) no, i cannot create an animated dog for your home fucking dog food company that will lick your visitors upon arrival for that extra special something and automatically create a database sorted by sex, flavor, age and career, from which you can send out personalized mailers. you were honestly the fastest sperm, huh?
2.) if you know flash, why do i have to?
3.) if you state in your ad that you know absolutely nothing about web design, you will get soaked. period. we’re all just sharks, circling around, waiting for that phrase to appear in an ad. we all know what other quotes you’re getting, and when we charge you fifteen hundred dollars for a three page, two color layout, it’s your own fault. by the way, we all got together and spent the fee on hookers. ugly ones.
4.) sneakily trying to advertise for a web designer to make you a porn site is weak. just say in your ad that you want to show naked pictures of women fucking dogs so i can decide, before i apply, if i want to see that sort of thing, and not AFTER you’ve sent me a mentally and emotionally scarring photo of a maybe-blonde (it was hard to tell, at that angle) and a great dane, and THEN ask me if i am comfortable with that kind of content.
5.) do not ask me to design something to send you and then tell me you’ve found someone else. if i am spending three hours putting something together to show you, you’re going to pay me for it. period. make sure to attach your work number so i can call your company and tell them disgusting and embarassing stories about you, if you happen to decide to rip me off.
6.) try very hard to consider what you’re looking for. if you want a twenty-five page site with eighteen forms and six flash animations, complete with unique, personally written soundtrack, fifty page, five hundred image photo gallery of your sailing trip across lake michigan, which must, at all costs, be password protected, expect to pay better than three bucks an hour.
if not all of this is necessary, say so up front. if it IS necessary, include it in your fucking ad, fucktard.
7.) not every web designer on earth knows flash, php, cgi, mysql, how to program your vcr, where you put your porn you downloaded off kazaa for ‘educational purposes’, and whether or not that deal you got on your two year old palm pilot was awesome. do not assume we do.
8.) no, you don’t need flash. no one is going to be impressed by it. if you’re selling handmade bird cages bedecked with ribbon and lace, a flash movie is not going to increase your sales. try suicide. shit’s always worth more after the ‘artist’ has kicked. also, you’re taking up air that the rest of us could really use.
9.) when i quote you a price, it’s based on what you’ve told me about your site needs. if you want to alter something, expect a new charge. that’s just how it works. if you ordered a red car from me and then changed your mind after a week and wanted a black one, you’d be up shits creek, sans paddle. look at it this way – i’m not beating you about the head with a stick, so you’re getting off lighter than the last guy who fucked with me.
10.) after all is said and done, the site is uploaded and i’m expecting a check in the mail that never comes, be prepared for some indignation on my part. ripping someone off for money they earned, especially when they’ve given you the deal of a lifetime is not just rude, but bewildering. and if five months later, you happen to see someone in glasses, wearing a checkered shirt complete with pocket protector, and holding a picture of you – run. all web designers know each other, and we’re looking for your ass to beat you with an old c64 keyboard.
so we can rob you and call the hookers back.
Posted by tanya b at February 24, 2004 04:34 PM”
And with that, I bid you good eve.