PART THREE: Candy Ravers, X-users and fucking Oakenfold Fans

(also known as: the reason the music industry sucks)

The main problem as I see it is that there’s a general lack of regard for anyone elses enjoyment of music these days. Everything is about “me” and not the music. Candy ravers don’t fall into this category but the others do. I’ll get to them in a minute.

For most of this argument there’s two distinct faults that I can see. A: Stereotypes and B: Idiots. The stereotypes come into play by people who don’t know what any musical culture is about. For example, if I called Rap music a “black thing” then I’d be using and reinforcing a stereotype. Most of the time, you want to avoid stereotypes. For the moment, I’m going to embrace them and bash “Candy Ravers.” Otherwise know as the people your parents see on TV when they hear all about the evils of techno music and clubs. These people are the costumed football fans of electronic music. Poster children for stupidity. They can typically be found at raves and clubs wearing bright neon-colored clothes, excessive amount of beads, carrying useless knick-knacks that get in the way, sucking on infant pacifiers and most of the time carrying something that glows, blinks or is generally annoying to everyone else. Now, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the music in your own way, but when your candy necklace breaks and shoots across the room, or you hit someone in the head with a glow-stick, it’s time to stop. You can enjoy techno and the “club scene” without looking like an idiot. This goes double for the people wearing next to nothing. You don’t need to wear just a bra in order to have a good time. You don’t need neon green quadruple cargo pocket pants either.

The second group in our list of people who are idiots would have to be the substance users (and frequently abusers). This wonderfully diverse group is a prime example of what doesn’t need to be done in order to enjoy music. If you don’t need to get hammered to watch TV, you don’t need to get wasted to listen to music. These are also the people who need to stay out and drink till 4am on a Wednesday. The same type of people who wonder out onto the dance floor holding two overflowing cups of domestic beer and proceed to spill it in anyone within reach. YOU CAN’T DANCE HOLDING A CUP! The sheer physics of that seem to escape people. It goes to say that you don’t need pills, weed, booze or anything else to “heighten your enjoyment.” If you do, then you obviously aren’t there for the right reasons, so get the fuck out of my club. Another annoying person is the dancing chain smoker. They also fit in this category. Have you ever been burnt by a cigarette? If you have then you’ll want to punch these people every time they start dancing and flailing around on the dance floor with a lit cancer stick in they’re hand. They’ve been smoking for so long that they’re no longer aware of the lit end of that little killer so they don’t mind running into you with it. I honestly wish there were smoke free clubs. Yes. Smoke free clubs, with a dress code and a 21+ age limit. That would be fantastic.

The last category is filled with people I personally love to hate. Oakenfold fans. You see, Oakenfold has done with best to be a world renowned DJ. That’s a good thing. More and more people should hear techno music, I think they’d like it. But the problem is that the only people who are getting exposed are the 15 year old MTV generation morons. They’ve only seen “raves” in movies, are pimply faced, rude, incompetent and generally get in the way of any normal person enjoying a show. You know who I’m talking about. You’ve sat in front of them in movie before. I know you have. They’re the same kids who A: don’t understand the movie your seeing and B: talk through it with they’re friends beside them. Then, when you turn around and tell them to be quite, they give you a sneer like you’re some 45 year old hasbin would wouldn’t beat the living crap out of them if need be. Well, I’m done taking crap from these kind of kids and you should be too. I refuse to go to shows that have 16+ age restrictions or no age restrictions at all. I had to wait until I was 18, they can too. Infact, I’d like to see if we could raise door ages to 21+ EVERYWHERE. Fuck’em. I guess the best explanation for my hatred for these morons was written about 7 months ago. I had gone to the Area One Festival with Chris and seen Oakenfold for myself. Let’s just say that I wasn’t completely thrilled with the evenings events. Here’s an exsurp from that post.

“The Bad: As soon as the main stage took a break (sometime after Carl Cox was playing in the tent) the tent was flooded to capacity since everyone knew Oakenfold would be up soon. The number of people in the tent went from 1000 people enjoying the show to 2000 people trying to kill each other. Let me be very clear when I say this: Techno is not a fucking rock concert! You DO NOT shove and push and MOSH! And you certainly don’t try and pull people away from their spots in order to be nearer to the front. With in 15 minutes of Paul Oakenfold taking the stage, I had already been kicked, punched and roughed up more than I?ve ever been at a punk show. EVER! I had had enough and took off for the back of the tent. I purchased an over-priced water and cooled off, trying to restrain myself from physically hurting the retards that refused to let me enjoy my show. I had waited 5 years to see Oakenfold, and I’d be fucked if I was going to let them ruin it. I was still super pissed so I left the tent leaving Chris inside. I walked up the exit ramp and sat near the merchandise stand at the top, thinking, if Chris left, he’d have to come this way since he had wanted to buy a t-shirt. Little did I know that after I left, Chris decided he’d had enough as well and went looking for me. We missed each other somewhere along the line and after missing a full hour of Oakenfolds set, I returned to the tent to find Chris, which I couldn’t. For some reason, the last half was very enjoyable. Why you ask? Because all of the idiots had cleared out since they couldn?t take more than 10 minutes of actual dancing which left only us, the people who were truly there for the music.

The Ugly (in letter form):
Dear Mr. Oakenfold,
Please go home. It’s not that I don’t like you or your music, its that the wrong people like your music. You’ve stated that you’re trying to introduce America to the dance scene. I implore you to stop. These are not the people you want listen to techno. The people at your shows are not fans of the music. They are Gap jean wearing 14 year olds who just dropped their first hit of X and are looking for cheap thrills. They are the high school football team who couldn’t get into a punk show so they decided to come here. Please Mr. Oakenfold, if you leave now, we may be able to undo some of your damage. These Backstreet Boys listening, non-t-shirt wearing, x-dropping, rave moshing idiots will soon outnumber the real listeners. I’ve seen it happen with swing music and unless the trend is ended quickly, we’ll be seeing Prodigy and John Digweed on Gap commercials. These people are not the weekend warriors we hope for, these people don’t listen to techno while they work, these people do not travel hundreds of miles to go to a club to see obscure DJs play. These people aren’t even old enough to get into a club. Please Mr. Oakenfold, stop now before the stories of 14 year olds dieing from X-overdoses become real. Americans are stupid and have forgotten that you don’t need beer and drugs to have a good time. Americans don’t even know how to enjoy a show without smashing into one another. Please Mr. Oakenfold, stop exposing the MTV idiots to techno. You’ll ruin it forever. The rest of us are content to pay high prices for British import CDs. It’s how we like it. Please, leave the techno to us and not them.

M.Perry “

So, as you can see, there are quite a few people who can ruin a perfectly good concert or club night. My advise to you would be to go in a group and stay together. Dance as a group and try to to be bothered by the people surrounding your little group. You’re at a club, you have to expect smoke, booze, idiots and combinations of all three.