It’s weird… I feel like I’ve let myself and others down. But I don’t know how that could be. See, every year, around Christmas, I start to feel depressed. I don’t know why, I just do. This is the basic problem: I’m poor. Well, ok, I’m not “poor” but I’m a college student and I have no money. I also have a girl-friend, family and friends I would like to buy presents for. Presents are hard to come by for free. So I feel bad. I can’t get the important people in my life something nice. So, as anyone would understand, I try and consentrate the pathetic amount of money I have into finding something nice for the girl who will very likely be “Mrs Perry” in a few years. Again I feel sad. I can’t afford nice things. Here comes the speech about it’s not the gift but the thought that counts. You can save your breath, I’ve heard that one a few times. It doesn’t matter to me. I should be able to do something nice for the person I love most, and I can’t. I feel like an ungreatful piece of crap. So, I dip into my savings, or what little there is, realizing that this means I won’t be able to get myself anything for Christmas, that I’m spending birthday money given to me on other people, and this makes me feel a little better, knowing that I’m giving up something, or anything for that matter, for someone else. This also drains my bank account, and thus the vicous cycle repeats. Why can’t I have a nice job and make enough money to make others happy. I doesn’t upset me to have nothing for myself. What upsets me is to have next to nothing for someone else.
I’m sorry, I’m babling like an idiot. I’m going to go to bed now. Sorry to take up your time. Sorry. Sorry. Night.