Over the course of the summer, I’ve become very aggravated with my father, and it hasn’t come to a head until tonight. There was no fight, no yelling or anything like that, only my suppressed rage bubbling as I drove into my drive way tonight. This had come after 2 long months of constant badgering. Allow me to explain. As soon as I got home this summer, I was greeted with “why don’t you have a good job”, followed by “I’m not paying for school so you better figure out how”. That was fine, whatever, he can be stingy if he wants. A few weeks ago, after my car wreck, it continued with things like “you got into the situation, you deal with it” and “it was YOUR accident, you call the insurance company”. Etc, etc. You get the idea. Today it was “why don’t you have the loan paperwork finished” and “you never help out around here with your school issues”. Umm, excuse me? Let me say this. I got a job, I applied for loans, I didn’t cause my accident, the insurance plan is in HIS name, he never filled out his portion of the loan paper work in order to help me out, I’m not the one sitting on my ass yelling at other peoples mistakes. He has been a huge grump and a major pain in my ass all summer long. It’s not my fault someone slammed into my car, I can’t file insurance claims, I can’t request copies of HIS tax returns, I can’t fill out HIS half of the FAFSA. Anyway, to get back to the issue at hand, well, actually, I have to digress again, I apologize. Four years ago, when I was 16, I had a steady job and an income and when I got my license I asked my parents if they would help me buy my first car. I was given a “no” in return. It was my fathers feeling that since he hadn’t been helped in getting a car, neither should I. Fair enough I thought, I can’t expect everything, I’ll do it on my own. I worked and saved for two years in order to buy a car. Actually, later that money would go towards my freshman year of school, but that’s a different story. Anyway, I never actually got that car and it wasn’t until last year that I finally had a vehicle in my name. I was very proud of it. That is until it was wrapped around the front end of a SUV. Undaunted I quickly contacted my grandparents and worked out a deal for their old car, which they were going to be replacing. The basic plan was to use that car to go back to school and use the insurance money for school and rent. On the opposite side of all of this, my brother had been taking drivers ed (and still is). My insurance check came the other day and sure enough, it was in my fathers name. Not only did he not tell me it arrived, he quickly deposited it into his own account to hide it. I was informed of this later by my mother. So, at this point, a neighbor had offered his van to me at a reduced price, but I had declined since I had the new car, and the whole time my brother had been asking for a vehicle. He had received the same answer from my dad that I had gotten four years ago. “No, work for it yourself”. Well, as I pull into my drive-way tonight, guess what’s sitting there? Yup, you guessed it, the van from my neighbor and a grinning brother who’s happy about “his” new car. I was so mad I was in orbit. After years of making me do everything for myself he just went out and bought the van for my brother using the excuse “well, I’ll (my father) use it for baseball and Steve (my brother) can have it on the weekends.” BS! That’ll be my brothers car within a week and both of them know it. And, in case you haven’t guessed by now, think about where the money for that van came from. That’s right, my insurance check. Now can you see why I’m just slightly pissed at the moment? I’m done putting up with this crap. After this summer, I’m probably not coming back to Milford any time soon. I think next summer I’m going to stay in Georgia, work down there, possibly (hopefully) find a summer photo internship and not even think about going back to New Hampshire. Now, I realize at this point that I’m not thinking very clearly or rationally, and that I need to clam down just a bit. I apologize for all this, I think I just need to vent at the moment. I’ll probably end up visiting New Hampshire, and I probably don’t mean half the things I just said, but I’m still super pissed at the moment. I’ll be ok, I’m calming down, but still, you have to admit it’s a pretty shitty thing to do. Tomorrow I think I’m just going to ignore it and work on my loan paper work. Screw this. I don’t need all this at the moment. Why does this summer have to suck? I am so ready to go back to school.

Current Mood: Super Pissed!